Let's give this a try

I wrote this letter while attending treatment for my Alcohol Use Disorder at Bellwood in Oct/Nov 2018. I am happy to report that I remain sober and active in Recovery to this day. My sober date is Oct.10, 2018. For anyone out there struggling with addiction, there really is hope and sanity once you are willing and ready. Love and Light. November 18, 2018 Dear Alcohol, Ive been without you for 38 days now. I know you're telling me, "So what? You've been without me for longer in the past! And you always come back to me!" I'm free enough, now, from your vice-like grip. My knuckles are no longer white and stiff from the sheer terror of holding on, afraid to be without you. There was once a time in my life where I was afraid to have too much of you. I respected your power and the toxicity you wielded over the human body and mind. I experienced several scattered incidents with you, where I lost myself in the blur and maze of your fermentation. And it felt wretch...

I'm at a point in my life...a crossroads really... Do I want to continue on, ignoring certain patterns and behaviours as if they don't exist or aren't "that bad". Or do I want to continue on this journey of Recovery, and continue to crack and rip myself wide open, exploring the many layers that have made up my life and the story I tell myself... Seems I'm choosing the latter. Digging deep on a daily basis. Feeling all the feels that I've been shunning or numbing. Reaching and striving for things that bring me joy and ignite and feed the fire deep within me. My inner light has been growing brighter. I feel her, I see her and my goodness, I love her. In recent months I have reconnected with pen and paper. Writing out my thoughts, my feelings, my shadow and my light. Being able to express myself in this way has been incredibly cleansing and freeing. Sharing my writing has become a new adventure for me as well. I've been quite apprehensive in the past ...