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Hello Again

  The flood of it Rushing into my body Hands shaking, wanting to run A knot in my stomach A large stone in my throat Quick breaths, short breaths Breaths being held Disorientated, distracted Separated from reality and the now Shame stares at me with its sly ugly grin “It has been a while since I’ve seen you, love. How have you been?” Anger steps in between us A deep fire from within the belly Quickly extinguished by guilt and tears Is this it? Do I let the faucet run on? Until I’m too tired to continue treading these salty waters? Is this when I drown? A ringing, trilling life preserve A true dear friend on the other end Pulling me back to shore with words of reassurance Back to reality, back to the now And just like that The kids are fighting The dog is at the door whining because someone has rung the doorbell Supper is burning And for some reason I’m holding onto a hairbrush Continue on strong woman, you got this
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Serenity

  I feel another expansion settling into my body, my heart, my soul Mondays like today, when the clouds lift into the higher sky, and I can see the far off mountains The water is calm, the waves gentle on this pebble beach There’s quiet, there’s peace In my surroundings, in my soul I have the ability to crouch down on the beach and sift through the tiny pebbles, the bits of broken shells Revelling in the texture moving at my fingertips The sounds as I sift, dig and admire There’s been a break in the weather A break and an opening deep inside of me Allowing in light and air And the ability to expand Continuation of growth
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Release

  A shift, a tremor, a crack opening So slowly and yet all at once You appear I hear you, I feel you Struggling to undo the knots in the ropes That have been pulled so tightly From years of fighting The noose around my neck The coils around my wrists I hear you whispering with sweet breath “It’s time Unbind, Unbind, Unbind Let go, love, and listen To the inner light that is you Listen, let her speak, trust her She is love, She is light and She will never leave you” All this dis-ease, the confusion, the questioning “Why am I not enough?” For him, for her, for them?   Finally seeing and feeling for the first time I AM ENOUGH And the knots are loosening The rope is unravelling My body, hear and soul unfurling, stretching opening, receiving No longer tethered to expectation or opinions of others This is ME. I am SHE Hear me fucking ROAR Unbound, unbound, unbound
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Deflated

  A slow leak Another damn nail in the tire Didn’t notice until last night And now the tire is completely flat That tire I’m talking about? It’s me Completely drained of air Air - my power. My drive. My self-worth Leaked slowly out of me over the last month And it took becoming completely deflated Before I could finally take notice So now, it’s once again, time to problem solve Do I continue to reinflate this punctured tire Day after day Or do I remove the tire, roll it over to my repair guy, and get the damn hole fixed
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Hello 2020

  “How did you ring in the New Year?” The question made me pause A warm, red blush, filled my cheeks “Sober” was my go-to answer One word with a lot of meaning and pride Describing all the turmoil, awakenings, beauty and darkness of the last year And although that is a correct answer It is not the whole “In orgasm”. “Sober, alone and cumming” That’s more like it Self-love at it’s finest, in the years finest hour While fireworks were being set off outside I experienced my own internal show People yelling and banging pots and pans While I muffled my own voice into my pillow And then I sat outside Listening to the continuing cacophony A trumpet trying pitifully to hit some high notes And I giggled, I smiled, and I felt A sense of pure contentment and gratitude Sober, alone, and happy
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Tonight's Menu

  I’m making roast beef tonight A huge chunk of beef is being popped into my oven tonight And now I have sex on my mind I never buy beef…to cook…on my own I don’t even know if this chunk of beef is meant to be the roasting kind And am I roasting beef if I’ve put it in the oven on “bake”? And what am I going to do with all this beef?! I want to invite you over for dinner Nothing formal…just needing assistance In consuming this roasted baked beef But I refuse to be the first to reach out I’m working on giving space like I promised Not offering my time and energy When it is not sought out And these onions are burning my eyes And now I’m crying into the potatoes And I miss you
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DaniBird

  In him I saw I saw pieces of myself already present And areas screaming for release With him I smelt The fresh mountain air, The damp woods, and warm fresh bread. Around him I felt A thickness in the air An energy so solid, yet fluid, I could reach out and grab hold Put it in my mouth and drink it down By him I felt a stirring A deep part of my being That has been hibernating Hiding away from the cold and dark Eager to make a re-entrance into the light Near him I heard The deep vibrations of his voice Beautiful melodies and elaborate symphonies My own heart beat and breath Now escaping me, wanting to be curled up Inside his chest A push, a pull Spinning and leaping A choreographed dance waiting to be seen The audience; the stars, the moon And the darkness all around  
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